Dating Your Husband/Partner

Date night selfie!

I love Warren, he's my fest friend, lover and soulmate. Yet all too easily, that could go to hell! For many couples, it does. I have often wondered why that happens to so many people. Why do so many relationships end in break-up and divorce? The only answer I can think of, is time.

Couples who don't make time for each other resent each other, drift apart from one another and all too often end up playing away from home. Obviously, this isn't true for every case, but for most couples, relationships fail, because they are simply neglected.

A few flowers can make create a romantic space.
Do you have any in your garden you could use?

When couples settle into long term relationships or get married, they get comfortable. They fall into a routine and life continues. The challenge is, getting comfortable without neglecting your relationship or your partner.

Warren works long hours. Sometimes he leaves the house at 7:30am and doesn't get home until after 8pm and is still working on his laptop and/or taking work calls at 10pm. This seriously winds me up as it limits our time together. Yet, once a week (hopefully) we take time to catch up with each other by having date night or if the kids are away, a date day.

Even on date night, we're still on parent duty,
so Appletiser makes a fun alternative to wine.

During these times, we step away from the iPads and computers and other distractions and focus on each other. Either Warren or myself will cook a nice meal, or once in a while we will cheat and have a take out. Sometimes we'll snuggle up and watch a movie or catch up on a series we've been watching, but often we will play a board game or work on another activity - such as building the model engine Warren got for Christmas. Or we will simply just sit and talk over a long leisurely dinner.

Working on Warren's model engine
was a fun date night activity.

With six kids, it is rare that we have a night out, but we don't mind that as there are plenty of things we can do together at home. Our date nights have even included us just sitting on the floor and talking while wrapping up Christmas pressies! It doesn't matter what activity you chose, the point is that you make time for each other, just to be together and catch up with one another.

This weekend, we only had Autumn with us, so we had a date day and took her on her first picnic. We walked for four hours, pushing Autumn in pram, sharing ice creams and just talking. It was a really lovely and non-expensive day out and allowed us a chance to just appreciate being in each other's company.

We have a selection of cute
date night props to add a cosy
feel to the evening.

Other ways we do this are:

A little extra effort, makes
the evening extra special.

Taking ten minutes in the garden together first thing in the morning, just the two of us. We will sit with a cup of tea and talk about what he have on our agendas for the day.

Taking a little time when Warren gets home to sit and talk about our day and any difficulties we've had that day.

Cuddling - Either on the sofa, before I fall asleep on it or when Warren finally manages to wake me up and get me to go to bed. I love just falling asleep, snuggled up together listening to Warren breathe. It feels safe.

Even the simplest of desserts
can add a special touch to
date night. 

Talking on the phone/texting when Warren has a break at work makes the day seem shorter. We'll take two minutes to talk about what we want for dinner or what we want to watch or do in the evening. Sometimes, we just text each other so be both know we are thinking about each other.

St Vals weekend, movie night.

We do all of this, because this is comfortable for us. We want our relationship to be settled and comfortable, but we don't want to be neglectful of each other. We took time at the start of our relationship to form healthy habits and these are what have become natural and comfortable for us.

What keeps your relationship healthy? What do you do on date night? Or is there something else that works for you and your partner to keep your relationship healthy?

Mother vs Step Mother: Why I Love Being Second Best

In the battle of Mother vs Step Mother, I love being second best! Here's why...


Divorce is never easy. Emotions fly high, arguments over who gets what and who spends what time with the kids and the person who was once your best friend, becomes your worst enemy. Then, just when things start to calm down, in walks your ex's new partner and your kids get excited and start raving about Mummy/Daddy's new special friend!

Parents can often feel alarmed, resentful and pushed out when a step parent enters the scene. And I think this is especially true of mothers, who grow, nurture and give birth to their babies. They know their children long before anyone else does, because they are bonding with them before they have even put down the pregnancy test they pee'd on five minutes earlier.

Then before you know it, those little beany bumps are at school and there is a new woman on the scene who you are sure is trying to take your place. Who wouldn't find that stressful? But does it really need to be that way?

As a mother and a step mother, I love my kids and my step kids to bits. And although I treat my daughters and my step sons equally, when it comes to spoiling them, dishing out chores and handing out tech bans, I have no desire to be the boys mother. I have my children and my step children have a mother already. I feel no need to be their mother, but I love being their step mother.

My step sons have a great mother, with whom they share an unbreakable bond. They are closer to her than any other human being on the planet, because she grew them, gave birth to them, nursed them and raised them long before I came onto the scene.

These days, she shares in the raising of her children with me.She lets me be a part of their lives, she lets me hug them when she can't be there to hug them and she has never once told me that I am doing something wrong or that I don't do things the way she does them - although, I'm sure there are many things I do differently.

How lucky am I? There is this woman who has nurtured and raised two amazing little boys, and she has blessed me by making it easy for me to be a part of their lives. I dare say I am not the woman she would have chosen for her boys, but still, she shares her time with her children with me. Yes, primarily the boys come here to spend time with their dad and now their new baby sister, but she has never said they boys can't spend time with me or my children - even when I have deserved for that to be the case once or twice. She has ALWAYS made it easy for me.

After all, isn't this how it should be? We're on the same team after all - Team Kids! I never want to replace my step sons mother or ruin their bond with her. If anything, my role as a step parent is to support the boys, their father and their mother as much as I possibly can. My job is not to make her job harder, my job is to be supportive and make things easier if and when I can.

Does that mean that she and I are besties? Not at all! But it does mean that I am able to ask her for help if needed and that she is able to ask me for help if needed. It means that we can swap emails and that when we see each other we can greet each other and we can look at each other with a friendly smile, rather than with one of those "If looks could kill, I'd be bashing you in with a shovel right about now," glares!

We have never had a screaming match on the drive and I've never had to go into hiding when she has come to the house to avoid making a scene. Even on the one occasion we have had a somewhat unpleasant email exchange (my fault entirely, if I am completely honest) - after giving each other a little time and space, we have been able to put it behind us and move forward much to the boys benefit.

I have no issues about going to the boys mum if I need help with something - why would I? I don't need to act like Super Mum to the boys, their own mum IS Super Mum! She deals with all of the day to day stuff, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, Parent-Teacher Nights, the early starts to get the kids to school, the late nights if one of them are sick, the cuddles if they are sad. She is 100% Super Mum and I respect her 100%.



I don't feel the need to out-do the kids mum. I don't feel the need to undermine her or be better than her. I love being second best! I love seeing how much the boys love their mum and she does an amazing job raising them, every day. Being second best to the woman who has brought two amazing kids into my life, is a blessing.

My message to mothers and step mothers everywhere is this:

Mums - You are the most important person in your kids lives.
The arrival of a step mother is not going to change that. Those kids will still always love you, it will always be you they want when they are poorly or need comforting, because you do it better! Help them feel comfortable with their step mother. By helping them build a special bond with her, you are helping your children to feel safe, loved and secure and strengthening your own bond with your kids at the same time.

Step Mums: You are second best!
Don't try to be anything else. Your job is to support the parents - including the mother and to help the kids live without feeling stuck in the middle. Don't bad mouth Mum in front of the kids. Don't get into a slagging match with her on the doorstep. Be positive and praise the kids mum, even if you think it might kill you!

Mums and Step Mums: You are on the same team - the kids team!
Stop fighting, stop trying to out-do each other and work together! It'll make for a much happier life for you and the kids.Ask yourselves, are you really doing anything to help the children when you are behaving like children yourselves? The chances are, if you two met each other under different circumstances, you would probably have been friends. You dislike each other, because that is what society has taught you is the norm! Don't be sheep and follow what everyone else is doing, be kind to each other, support each other, respect each other and you'll probably find that you quite like each other.

And finally, to my step kids Mother: THANK YOU!
Thank you for allowing me to be in your kids lives. Thank you for always making feel good enough. Thank you for blessing my life with your beautiful child who you do a wonderful job of raising every single day. Thank you for helping me when I need it. Thank you for never making me feel like we need to be in competition with each other. I wouldn't have two brilliant step sons without you. THANK YOU! xxx